The Last Word: Yuletide Edition

What’s the deal, people? 2008 is fast approaching, and I’m still reeling

from everything that’s gone down this year. From the downfall of sports

heroes to the race to be the next leader of the free world to racial

tensions still being front and center, it’s been an eventful 2007.  And

with that, I had to switch it up and give you a “remix” of Clement

Clarke Moore’s “The Night Before Christmas.” Shout out to Mr. Moore,

whose story was the blueprint for what you will read below, Skillz for

providing the inspiration for this with his annual “Rap Ups” and the

sounding boards for making it a holly jolly Christmas.  So now I give to you a special Yuletide/New Year’s Edition of The Last Word for the week ending Dec. 28, 2007.  * Disclaimer: The following is strictly for entertainment purposes only.  ‘Twas the night before New Year’s, when all through the WinehouseNot a creature was quiet, cuz it was crunk in the South. Flirtin’ with the bartender, T-Pain fell in likeLove was out of the question, he just wanted to f**k tonight Bobby Brown was actin’ the fool, cuz he the “Kaing of R&B”Child support don got crazy, what a wonderful life without Whitney (Cocaine is a helluva drug) Alicia Keys lookin’ right at the piano, singing “Auld Lang Syne”D’Angelo and Maxwell want to return to music, but still waiting for the sign The children were locked far away, all safe from R. Kells,While visions of Usher and Ciara danced in their head shells Beyonce in her kerchief, Jay-Z in his Rocawear capMight as well stay up, it’s too live to take a nap  Mary J. is just fine as she chats with MariahAbout life, music and whether George W. is a liar Legal drama in ‘07, but Kells still managed to tour‘08 may be different if he arrives on time to the court The night was going well when we heard a loud noiseIt was Akon making apologies to everyone, but did he really have a choice? Humping young girls, throwing fans off the stageDon’t be surprised next year when he and Gwen make the “Sweet Escape” Ne-Yo just wanted to chill with Rihanna, but they hate each other so Britney got family and underwear issues, consequences of being a h* Ray-J took it up a notch with p###, let’s raise a glass to himYou can’t hate on a guy that slept with Lil’ and big booty Kim Timbaland’s so bored with R&B, is Country the new Soul?If Sisqo, Bobby and Bey can twang, why not Keyshia Cole? That’s just the way it is, another look into realityThe mystery of celebrity has become nothing more than a fantasy  But lo and behold look who should appearA miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer Santa you’re too late, Christmas is at an endThen I discovered it was none than the American Idol, Rueben “Life has been hard,” he said, “after being dropped from the labelI’m trying to stretch this Santa thing out so I can put food on my table” Just as quickly as he came, he disappeared into the night. And in came Kelly Rowland, lookin’ like she wanna fight Slow down, chill Kelly. Have a drink, I insistWe really liked that song where said you were gonna bump like this Go on and mingle with the crowd, it’s all love up in the placeAnd if you’re hungry, we have a mess of food here for you to taste Lilly Allen is smiling because she’s welcoming a new arrivalAnd oops! Fergie almost tripped over Amy, who was passed out like she at revival Pretty Ricky minus one, what an ugly situation Another casualty of label politricks, whatever happened to honest representation? Now, Omarion and Bow Wow wanna face off, they’re gunning for respectThe new year is theirs, as fans go wild over what to expect  Pussycat Doll Nicole has gone solo, while Lloyd got you and your shawtiesLet’s hope Mya’s record label releases new music from her before she enters her forties “Time for bed,” said J. Holiday as he swiftly departed Pillow talk is too addictive when you have a fine woman as your target Feedback is crucial for Janet, who may or may not join the brothers JacksonMichael’s got legal bills, you know, let’s just scream for a reaction R.I.P. to Ike Turner, Anna Nicole, Pimp C and Merv Griffin, who left us too soonPavarotti, Luther Ingram, Sean Taylor and Tammy Faye: respect due while turning the page upon the face of a new moon As we say goodbye to ‘07, we raise our cups and bottles and give a good cheerLet’s keep it positive, safe and productive while we have a Happy New Year!!!