The Socialite: So, What’s The Plan?

    First off, I’d like to thank you for taking interests in The Socialite. If you’re just checking in, take some time to read the first two Socialite columns already in place – as Clinton Sparks would say, “get familiar.” And to those of you who are familiar, you should remember where I left off last […]



First off, I’d like to thank you for taking interests in The Socialite. If you’re just checking in, take some time to read the first two Socialite columns already in place – as Clinton Sparks would say, “get familiar.” And to those of you who are familiar, you should remember where I left off last week; being plum angry.


I am irate without a cure in sight. Just when I thought that I’ve heard it all, I hear silence, which is far worse. I’m tired of having to assume someone else’s emotions.


These days, you can almost pick out the people who didn’t have enough quality interaction with their parents; every other sentence out of their mouth is from a movie script or an outdated love song.


For example, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Really, I mean, really, people actually believe that this is a quote to live by.


Let me break it down for you. Since you can’t have what you really want, which will haunt you for the rest of your life, open up door #3 and enjoy a lifetime supply of, “I can’t stand your a**.” You can keep this tom-cruise-foolery to yourself.


Take a deep breath Deshair. Ok ladies, so you’ve just got out of a heated argument with the soon-to-be father of your child. You know, the argument when he’s dancing around telling you to get an abortion, but you know whole heartedly that you’re keeping the baby.


Now, we don’t know all of the details of what led you to this point, but he decided to break up with you, and this is what you told him: “Fine, we don’t need you anyway! We can handle this on our own.”


Well what started off as a show of pride and empowerment often ends in debt and despair. I remember this song from the ’80s called “Thanks For My Child” [by Cheryl Pepsii Riley:]. This was the type of track that empowered single mothers to accept the leaving of the father while thanking him for his child.


Yes, another outdated line far from being used in its proper context, because in all honesty, the last thing that you want to do as a mother is relinquish the responsibilities of the father. I’ve witnessed single mothers lose their cars, their homes, their jobs, and sometimes their sanity because of their pride.


So it is this pride that keeps you from going down to the court to file for child support? The father doesn’t have a real job anyway, huh? He’ll give you money out of his pocket, which is 20% of what he should be giving you, huh? He has a new girlfriend who happens to have her own children and you don’t want to inconvenience their situation, huh?


Whatever the situation may be, your pride could end up being more of a strain on your child’s future than the father. Who cares if he just picked up a car note; moved into a larger home; already has his own children before you had his… it is his responsibility to take care of his child – not mine! Wow, did I type that out loud?


Yes, I am single and I don’t have any children; a single mothers’ dream. Now I’m not saying that every single mother is this way, but I’ve witnessed this directly and indirectly. There are some single mothers who are in situations for whatever reason, where the father of their child isn’t doing his part at all. So in her searches for a new man, it is her choice to find a man who doesn’t have any children, in hopes that he would not only take care of her, he will accept and take care of her children as his own.


I am not going to say that this is a deceitful practice. This is a natural occurrence that goes down more often than not; the mother would like to be fulfilled in a loving manner, and her kind heart would love for her child(ren) to have a strong, stable father figure in their lives.


What makes me angry is when manhood is questioned in the face of turning down a woman with children. The last time I checked, we as people have the right to make a choice. So ladies, if he doesn’t want to be with you because you have children, that doesn’t make him less of a man; it is his choice, his preference.


Contrary to popular demand, it isn’t the job of the new guy to take care of children who aren’t his. However, if he decides to do so, commend him, respect him and appreciate him. His decision to be a father figure to your children shouldn’t be taken lightly or as something that he is supposed to do. As for the fathers not standing up for their children for whichever reason, I have a song for you to listen to called “Be a Father to Your Child” [by Ed OG:]


Take a deep breath Deshair. For the gentlemen, the chain needs to be broken. Yes, the one that’s around your neck. It’s time to go out there and get a real job (women in salons all over the nation are cheering). You know, a job where you can gain some tenure, some Deferred Comp, and health benefits.


Please come closer, I have something else to tell you: There’s nothing wrong with having a strong Plan-A!


Now more than ever, more men from urban backgrounds want to pick up a microphone and catch wreck. But let’s be honest, just because you can find a way to sneak Danny Glover and Lethal Weapon into your rhymes doesn’t make you an e-m-c-e-e. The life of a rapper or producer isn’t for every dude who can recite “Juicy” by the Notorious B.I.G. and contrary to what you may believe as a dreamer, “It’s (not) all good, baby, baby!”


As an artist trying to make it, you are brainwashed, my mistake, taught to believe that you must go hard everyday to obtain your goal. Back to having a plan – the music industry isn’t something that you should label with a Plan-A no matter how bad you want to make it.


You should have a “fail switch” in place where you can divert to something of substance to place food on the table, just in case Beyoncè never calls your name to come up on stage for your Grammy. Your Plan-A should be obtaining a degree in a profitable field to better your opportunity of having a career in place, not the other way around. I’ve met an MC who’s Plan-A is as a neurologist. Does it sound like he would have any problems funding his musical career?


I’ve watched it happen and I see it happening now. You have these young entrepreneurs chasing their tails in an industry that they have no idea of how it works, how to get paid or how a record company makes money. They have no idea that as easily as you’ve just turned 19 with dreams of superstardom, your mid-life crisis is a heartbeat away in Hip-Hop years.


Even if you’re a baller, a football player or the rare urban baseball player, gaining a degree, certification or license of any kind is the best Plan-A you can possibly have. Let’s face it, if you’re as good as you think you are or people say that you are, you’ll reach your multi-million dollar goals and still have a degree to hang up on your mother’s or grandmother’s wall.


But what should happen if you’re not as good as you thought you were, or fall to a career ending injury?


Oh, the ladies cheering, I forgot. Gentlemen, the ladies are cheering because they would like to have a man in their life who is rationally thinking about his future. Professional women would like to know that they aren’t the only one with a nest egg set-up and a mean stock game in place. Just like there’s no crying in baseball, there is no pension in Hip-Hop unless you hit so big that you won’t need one.


If you want tips, I got your stinking tips next week.