Steven Paul Jobs was able to revolutionize the world by insisting on a seamless, symbiotic relationship between art and technology. In order to invest in the philosophy, one must “think differently,” a slogan used to this day to market not only Apple products but the entire Apple philosophy. Influenced by the German Bauhaus school of thought in which artistic excellence is achieved through simplicity and understated design, Jobs (and the actual engineers who made the products) ushered in a wave of stylish products that were simple-looking yet entrancing; the iMac, the ipod, the iphone, etc. For all of his neurotic brilliance, it’s no secret that Jobs was a p####, which is why even in his death he was directly responsible for one of the most momentous occasions in my personal life this past year. I love my iphone, but sometimes Jobs’ tiny invention does not mesh well with my large fingers. Long story short, while listening to Tegan and Sara on Spotify mobile, a blunder involving the phalanges almost resulted in me accidentally “sharing” the track on Facebook. Luckily I was able to prevent the upload from happening, but nonetheless, the incident had the potential to become a mega public relations massacre for #kellmill. Undoubtedly questions would arise in the ensuing press conference, such as why is a straight black man listening to Teagan and Sara in the first place? Even worse, why does he feel compelled to go so far as to share it publicly? Completely Bill-Clintoned, I’d have no choice but to admit that yes, for an extended period of time “Closer” was a personal favorite of mine. Later inquiries would reveal even further reason for embarrassment, such as the fact that I sang the song approximately one billion times in collective shower visits, and furthermore, there is actually an extensive collection of Tegan and Sara songs in my library. I was a fool, walking with the ghost of a guilty conscience. What would the Allhiphop.com shareholders think if this information went public? The fall into degeneracy is usually quick. Not long after I published “Wonderwall,” an article defending Miley Cyrus’ transition into hip-hop sensibilities, I knew dark sectors were on the horizon. Around that time I discovered a song entitled “23″ by MikeWillMadeIt featuring Miley, Wiz Khalifa, and Juicy J. At first I thought the song atrocious, a clear jokes-on-you! in the vein of Weird Al Yankovic. Not until I watched the video did I become a fan of the song, and this is not entirely because a fully-developed Miley is 99.9 % naked while twerking and wearing Air Jordan sneakers (if you’ve spent even a millisecond on my personal blog, you will understand immediately why I strongly support all of these things). In the video, the respective artists are completely serious and couldn’t give a flying 747 f### about the public reaction. Like Steve Jobs founding Apple in his garage, this was a climatic intellectual awakening for me. Better yet, it was more like the apple that fell off a tree and hit Issac Newton in the head. Juicy J doesn’t care one iota about what people think of him, and for that, he is respected by everyone. It occurred to me in that moment that Juicy J would never fret about his music listening habits, or anything else for that matter. Suddenly, I understood the laws of motion, and more importantly, I understood that Juicy J had all the answers to the world’s problems. Immediately after this revelation I burned all of the literature on my bookshelf Fahrenheit 451 style. It was time to think differently. At first, the recognition that Juicy J held all the keys to life’s obstacles was frightening to say the least. It’s the same sensation you’d feel if while sober you spotted Yoda just chilling under a tree as you walked to your apartment. As shocking as this scenario would be, you wouldn’t run or scream. Instead, you would absorb as much knowledge as you could from the little green creature. By the way, if these sentiments cause you to rofl, it’s an indication that you are yet immersed in Trippy wisdom, a dangerous disposition to maintain. Do some soul searching and proceed. We live in a truly great time, but unfortunately, most universities in the U.S. haven’t fully caught on to the societal innovations manifesting all around us. To most professors the answers to life’s greatest questions lie in the teachings of dead philosophers and writers. If you’ve never had the misfortune of having Nietzsche’sBirth of Tragedy slapped across your face with a 8-10 page essay to boot, count yourself one of the lucky ones. Why are we supposed to care or pretend to care about what Nietzsche had to say? For all of his brilliance, Nietzsche spent his last days screaming gibberish at horses in the street. If Juicy J ever succumbed to such madness, he’d probably make it look cool as hell. I suggest the next time you see someone at Starbucks reading a book by Nietzsche, slap the Vanilla Chai Latte out of their hand, politely tell them to slob on your knob, and slide them a copy of Juicy J’s album, Stay Trippy. Trust me, you will doing them a tremendous service. “She wanna be my main chick, I was thinking different Clap that ass, light a blunt, baby, let’s get ig’nant” Juicy J ain’t Denzel, but he knows he’s a star. That’s straight from the horses mouth (no Nietzsche). Juicy’s resolute belief in himself gives him the freedom to present an uncensored version of himself to the world without even the faintest sense of worry as to how it will come across to others. Let me give you a quick example. Egg-nog is an acquired taste, but ratchet p#### is universally frowned upon by males and females alike. In fact, gynecologists make quite the living preventing ratchetness in the v#####. But Juicy J is unapologetic in his inability to deny ratchet p####. In fact, he’s proud. My […]