Jean Grae’s Fantastical Lobster

Aight. I admit…I don’t think it was really a lobster. I don’t know what the hell it WAS though. Yesterday I went in the bathroom to take a shower and pulled the curtain back. There it was, on its flipside (or not). I immediately called for help. “Baby, you gotta see this,” I said. It […]

Aight. I admit…I don’t think it was really a lobster. I don’t know what the hell it WAS though.

Yesterday I went in the bathroom to take a shower and pulled the curtain back. There it was, on its flipside (or not). I immediately called for help.

“Baby, you gotta see this,” I said.

It had about 80, or so legs. Kinda camouflaged, leafy color, with long ass antennae. I was approximately the size of a thin thumb.

“What is that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Nah, really….what the hell is that??”

On a whim, I then dubbed it the “fantastical lobster” and we washed it down the drain with hot water. A lot of scalding hot water. If it wasn’t dead, it was boiled back to the essence after 30 seconds. Our water is very, very hot.

I am going to admit to being a big baby and confess that I was really shook. I was shook of the fact that it could have been playing dead and then hopped up. I don’t know if it could fly. I don’t know if the thing could speak and shoot venom. On thing I do know is that it had a lot of legs. A lot of legs, moves fast. Not so much of it attacking me, but of it running somewhere in the apartment where I wouldn’t be able to locate it. To lose it means to not get any sleep whatsoever in my house.

I’ve been absent from AllHipHop all for a while (no segue here) so I make my return now! It’s been a very big and long learning experience especially in the past few months. The rap game and just myself personally. I’ve moved into a new place and I’m dealing with all the things that go along with moving. I know a lot of people know what I’m talking about. Something new everyday.

There comes a time when you just have to laugh at stuff. I have a phone bill, but didn’t have phone service until last week, we used it once and now it’s dead again. No dial tone, nothing. They kept doing line tests and putting me on hold. I kept telling them it wasn’t going to work, I thought it was an inside wiring problem. After 8 phone calls and 9 wire tests, they told me it was an inside wiring problem. Turned out, the jack in the house was in no way connected to the telephone pole.

First they had said “Can you guys find the phone box and switch the wires?”

What phone box? Where?

“Go ask your neighbors.”

“Man, this isn’t Richtownvilleton. This is Brooklyn. Like I’m REALLY going to wander around in somebody’s apartment looking for a telephone box.”

So, they fixed it. I think the storm knocked it out now. I think I might not call them back.

We have window access to the backyard. It’s a big yard. It is also a rainforest since our neighbors(who have access) aren’t going back there. I don’t blame them. You could stash 20 bodies up in those shrubs. When we first moved in last month, I looked out, like wow… That could be really dope for a barbeque, especia – heeyyy. That’s a dead rat being eaten by flies! One of the stray cats took the rat, I think. I wish we could get Punchy over here to punch out a hole in the wall so we could get back there….theeen, part of me doesn’t want to be like the kids in “Stand By Me” and find some s### I’m not supposed to find.

We bought plants, but I killed them. I love plants. They just die around me. I don’t want them to though. I talked to them and even gave them names. But they still died. One of them has been resurrected, but I’m afraid to touch it. I want it to live. I’m looking at it right now. I shouldn’t look at it too long.

I’ve been very concerned about my writers block. I want to write so badly, it’s the worst when nothing is there. That first line, if I could just get that first line everything could fall perfectly into place. I can’t slack off, I can’t. Maybe it was so much I was doing in such a short period of time. I gotta rap replenish. Two albums that are ready to go though. I went on some rap marathons. In London, I was just cranking joints out one after another and of course for the Jeanius album. 9th introduced me to Vivarin, which probably induced some sort of rap trance I was in. Funny, the This Week album took so long (lots of stuff in between though) and Jeanius, we did in 5 days. Rap marathon. It’s like the scene in “Old School” where Will Ferrell is at the debate and rattles of this crazy answer and then almost blacks out.

Switching topics again. Photo shoots are interesting. My favorites are the ones where you go, “Gimmie hot sneakers” then they bring feathered jackets and bikinis. No kicks. Oh, here’s something interesting I learned about shoots. See, when people bring you clothes and the sort, they take off what designers call the “sample rack”. Samples are mostly made in size 0 or 2. Samples are not conducive to my body. I will say it is a very cool thing for you to see all that stuff. Get people all “ooh and ahh,” but generally…hard to squeeze into. Also, bikinis don’t really go with my whole, uh, theme. On my size listings for people, it says “STUFF”. Next to jeans and shirt sizes. I don’t think it was working. Now, I bring my own stuff. I have learned.

If I had the capital, I would make a clothing line for us kinds of women. I hear complaints all the time. We need some help in the pants department. Smaller ones ya can’t pull over your ass, bigger ones leave that crazy flap at the back of your waist. Or that even crazier looking flap in the front. My favorite are the Super-Xtreme-Deluxe-Magically-P#### low

cut jeans. Man, you sit down in those, everybody in back of you knows, “What’s crackin.’”

Butt, (no pun intended) really. I’ve had so many learning experiences lately, I can’t even believe them all. Being on the Okayplayer tour was sick, the road with Kweli, meeting a lot of real genuine people who really have a love for this music…just grindin and getting things done with my home team.

It’s been nice coming back, but now, gotta go, cause there’s tons to do. I’m putting the finishing touches on the cover for “The Grae Files” snippets from the album and some

exclusives…you guys got the album coming to you September 7th “This Week”…Plus “Jean-Unit” mixtape shortly to follow that. Then we still got “Jeanius”-9th Wonder, myself…and damn the whole damn Justus League and North Carolina damn near!(love you guys).

Some of life teaches you more about others. Some others teach you more about life. All of it teaches you about you.

Watch out now! pssst. Just heard about a crrrazy shoot coming up. Familiar rap mag. You’ll know it when you see it.

Much love to everyone who has been fighting the good fight with me. Catch y’all on the humble.

Jean “Back To Making Beats” Greasy. Sheeyuh!