Straight Talk: A Man’s Worth

In last month’s article [Straight Talk: The Other Woman] I gave tips and suggestions on how

to keep your relationship happy, healthy and fresh. But I mentioned that my

advice was geared only toward women who were in relationships with worthy men.

 

I promised I would give my definition of a man who is worthy

of a woman giving him her all. Being as I’m a woman of my word, here it goes.

 

Before I say anything, I want to first point out something

that I know is obvious, but for those women out there who are blinded by that

thing you call love, I’ll put it out there anyway. If your man cheats, lies, or

abuses you in any way, he is definitely not worth you doing everything in your

power to make and keep him happy.

 

Face it ladies, some men are downright dogs. Some men are misogynists

and just don’t respect women period. This type of man will never be satisfied,

and will never do right by his woman. In which case he deserves to be alone,

and sure as hell doesn’t deserve you going the extra mile for him. There! I

said it, and I meant it.

 

Now, on to my definition of a worthy man. The type of man

who is genuine, caring, and loves his woman unconditionally. The type of man who

does things like…

 

Tells you he loves you at least twice a day—meaning he not only

loves you but he is in love with you as well.Compliments you on something at least once a day—meaning he

pays attention to you and cares enough to show it.Often asks you “what’s wrong?”—meaning he is considerate of

your feelings and always wants to see you happy.Tells you how blessed he is to have you, or considers himself

a lucky man—meaning he realizes your worth and most likely wouldn’t jeopardize

losing you.Opens up to you and is honest with you the way he would be

with his best friend—meaning he sees a friend in you and will hold a special

level of respect for you no matter what.

 

Overall a worthy man will treat his woman the exact way he

expects to be treated. He will look at her as his equal, yet his queen, and

place her high on a throne above others. She will come first to him, and he

will be content with that because he knows she is a worthy woman – and that is

if you are indeed a worthy woman.

 

Ladies, don’t expect this treatment from your man if you are

running around acting a fool.

 

On the other hand, there are men out there who don’t do or

say the things I listed above on a regular basis, but who still may be worthy

men. In some cases, men are not sensitive to women’s feelings, not because they

don’t want to be, but because they just don’t know how to be. Some men think it

makes them look weak to be sweet and gentle. Some men don’t talk about their

feelings because they believe they are not supposed to be “emotional.” And some

men are simply stuck in their ways. This doesn’t mean that these men can’t be

molded.

 

In a relationship, people tend to feed off each other. If

you cheat, I cheat. You go out a lot, I go out a lot. You keep it real with me,

I keep it real with you, etc. It’s t## for tat. So, what I recommend is that you

initiate the behaviors you would like to see in your man.

 

For instance, if you want your man to talk to you about

everything, you have to start talking to him about everything. Treat him like

your girlfriend and express yourself to him openly. If you want him to

compliment you more often, compliment him. Trust me, after a while, he will

feel the need to return the gestures. Before long your man will become the

perfect mate. The two of you will have grown together and created the ideal

relationship.

 

In essence, this method constitutes the phrase, “give and

you shall receive.” Makes sense right?

 

Okay, what about if your man was worthy and then for some reason became the opposite—whether it

be due to a small issue such as running into a lump some of money and becoming

big-headed or a huge issue such as acquiring an addiction to something. What

does a woman do then? Does she cut him off and forget about all the good things

he’s done for her, or does she hang in there hoping, wishing, and praying for

him to go back to his old self?

 

The answer: become demanding. Demand he starts acting like

he knows. Demand he gets help if needed. Don’t demand without consequences. You

have to make your actions speak louder than your words. If you start throwing

out ultimatums but never back them up, then you will fall into a trap of saying

“I tried everything!” But really, you haven’t.

 

I can imagine it’s tough to part from someone who you’ve

grown to love, especially when you’ve seen the wonderful side of him and you

know how good a man he’s capable of being. But sometimes people need wake-up

calls. They need to see that they’ve changed and how they’ve changed, and

realize that they need to do something about it. But they will never see this

if everything around them remains the same.

 

By you keeping him around and painting a pretty picture for

him, he will never see the reality – only the pretty picture. You need to tear

that picture up and show him what’s really happening, and one way to do that is

by severing your relationship. It may be hard at first, but it gets greater

later. Ask anybody who’s been through it, and they’ll tell you.

 

All right, let me exhale and wrap this up simply. Ladies,

you should know whether your man is worth you giving your all to, and if so,

congratulations! He’s a keeper! But to the women who have men who are just

taking up time and space—love yourself more than that and let him go! 

 

Miasha is the author

of Don’t Make Me Dinner, Make Me Rich! How to Be the Superwoman of Today,

coming soon. She is also author of fiction bestsellers Diary of a Mistress,

Mommy’s Angel, and Sistah for Sale,

all available in bookstores and online nationwide. For more information or to

hear Miasha address your comments, go to her website www.miasha.com and click on Miasha TV-Real

Talk.