Straight Talk: Sex, Lies and Real Life

This month I am going to write about a topic that I had no plans on writing about – at least not yet anyway. But something came up in my personal life that prompted me to bring it up.   I am not just writing about this to vent, but to educate some people out […]

This month I am going to write about a topic that I had no

plans on writing about – at least not yet anyway. But something came up in my

personal life that prompted me to bring it up.


I am not just writing about this to vent, but to educate

some people out there as well, because apparently what I am going through right

now is something that men and women go through quite often. And in many cases,

it destroys lives.


What is happening in my life right now reminds me of a

situation that occurred in my second novel, Diary

of a Mistress. I guess it’s a case of life imitating art.


Last week my husband was arrested. Being as though I had to

wait until after my husband saw a judge to find out what he had done, I spent

every bit of 15 hours wracking my brain, trying to guess what he could have

possibly been arrested for. My husband isn’t involved in criminal activity at

all, so I ruled out drugs, robbery, theft and the like. Everything about him is

legit, so why he was in jail was mind boggling to me.


I got up early the day after my husband’s arrest and went to

the courthouse where my husband was scheduled to see the judge. I waited with

anticipation for them to arraign him. After some time, they brought my husband

from a cell into the courtroom. We made eye contact, and I was relieved to see

that he was all right—physically at least.


The judge began to run down his charges, and I was straining

my ear drums to hear them. Not knowing what he had been arrested for was

killing me. I heard “simple assault” and “harassment” and instantly thought he

had fought someone. I immediately posted his bail, and was able to get the full

story as we were leaving the courtroom. And let me say, my husband was just as

shocked and disgusted to find out what the police report said he had done as I



My husband was painted as a monstrous pervert in the police

report. It stated that he tried several times to force his way down a female’s

pants and up her shirt. It further stated that after my husband repeatedly

tried to touch her against her will, that she asked him to let her out of his

car. He then supposedly blocked her way with his car and proceeded to expose

his private part to her. She notified a police officer, who then pulled my

husband over and arrested him.


Now without even hearing my husband’s side of the story, I

knew that what was written in the police report was not what happened. I’ve

been with my husband for 12 years, and married to him for almost five. I know

him like I know myself. There is no way he would do any of what the woman

accused him of doing. I know this for a fact. Although my husband’s side of

the story makes much more sense to me and our families, the reality is

regardless what the truth is, my husband was arrested, had to pay bail, had to

hire a lawyer, and has to go to court behind this. His and my life has been

inconveniently interrupted by this.


As a woman and a wife, I am dealing with this issue on more

than one level. My husband feels extremely bad, because he is being portrayed

as someone totally against his character. He’s never been accused of something

he did not do before, and is uncertain how to deal with the possibilities of

losing his family and his freedom behind a complete lie. So I have to be

emotionally available to him during this.


On the other hand, I’m a wife who is hearing that my husband

did some awful things to a female that not only disrespected my marriage, but

made my husband look sinister. Immediately I had to ask myself, “Do I believe

that the man I love and adore did these things?”


I thought of the situation that took place in my very own

novel, Diary of a Mistress, and I was

able to answer the question right away. Hell no, my husband did not do this!

This is just an example of how a lie can alter people’s lives. At this moment

in time, I have to follow my heart and my gut, and not the words and

accusations of a woman I never met.


So, what is the lesson here? That sometimes one plus one

doesn’t equal two. This is the exact lesson I aimed to deliver in Diary of a Mistress. Sometimes ladies,

your man is innocent.


There are some women in the world who are crazy enough to

lie, even if it means serious consequences to the person they lie on. With the

judicial system working in the woman’s favor most times, men in these type

cases are guilty until proven innocent. It’s sad but true. The bottom line is,

people get accused, charged, and in many situations, convicted of things they

absolutely did not do.


In recent years there have been hundreds of prisoners

exonerated after DNA evidence proved their innocence. Take into account they

are exonerated after serving time in

prison—some as long as 25 years for crimes they did not commit.


It sends chills through me just thinking of something like

this happening to my husband and my family. While I myself can’t understand why

a person would play games with another person’s life like this, it happens and

more often than not. I can’t help but wonder if people realize the magnitude of

what they are doing. I would like to believe that they do but in case they



Here’s a statement to the women out there, and even men, who

deliberately spread rumors, make up lies, or falsely accuse people for whatever

reasons: Please stop and think about the aftermath. Think about the

relationship you may destroy, the children who may lose their parents as a

result, and ultimately the man or woman who may lose his or her freedom. This

is a dangerous line to cross.


While I have faith that my husband and I will get through

this successfully, I greatly feel for the hundreds and thousands of couples and

families who do not.


Miasha is the author

of Don’t Make Me Dinner, Make Me Rich! How to Be the Superwoman of Today,

coming soon. She is also author of fiction bestsellers Diary of a Mistress,

Mommy’s Angel, and Sistah for Sale,

all available in bookstores and online nationwide. For more information or to

hear Miasha address your comments, go to her website and click on Miasha TV-Real